Stress Relief Blog

The whole myth is that nobody is listening.

What I mean by that is we have two tape recorders.

Let’s assume it’s you and your partner. Both tape recorders are speaking, but nobody’s listening.

What’s the reason for that?

The challenge we have in communication is that we are very seldom listened to. Everybody is talking, talking, talking, but nobody is listening.

When people come to see me in my private practice, what happens is everybody is talking but nobody takes the time to listen. You have two tape recorders.

Think of a conversation you had with whomever and when you last had it. You find that as soon as you start a conversation and ask a question, the person starts talking to you and then you seem to be cut off.

People cut you off to tell you something about themselves.

People have a desire to be heard, but nobody is listening to anybody.

It becomes very frustrating, especially in relationships when you’ve gone to work, you come home to your partner and nobody is talking to each other.

“What happened today at work?” You start talking and your partner says, “Well, this is what happened.”

We have been taught what’s called “communication.”

What has baffled me for 14 years in my private practice is people come to me and say, “Cecil, we’ve done communication.”

What about listening?

I thought communication was all about listening.

People seem to think they understand communication, but very few people have been taught how to listen. It keeps folks from having a relationship.

That, in my opinion, is one of the biggest reasons for issues in relationships. Nobody is listening to anybody because everybody wants to say something.

We’re too busy to actually stop and say, “What is this person saying?” We don’t take time to acknowledge this person, listen to them and give them feedback.

Everything is happening so fast and everybody is so busy that nobody can take a break to actually listen to what somebody has to say.

The interesting thing about starting any relationship is the marvellous energy and exuberance you have. The challenge is, without a proper stress management technique for listening you can waste this valuable resource leaving you feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with nothing to show for your effort.

Be sure to follow the crucial beginner’s listening tips that I have outlined. Through these points, you could be at speed up the rate at which you attain your better communication. And this would definitely amaze you!

Cecil McIntosh guides solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs worldwide to learn to relax, stress less and overcome chronic symptoms so that you can quickly experience profound peace, power and work life balance. You can get the other 20 Tips of 21 no-brainer shortcuts to achieving your dream of health and happiness at http://eycfreebook.com You can reach Cecil at http://www.cecilhelpdesk.com

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In my over 14 years of facilitating entrepreneurs and solopreneurs I am amazed at how many of them spend time helping others hoping somehow that they would find inner peace and happiness.

Wayne: Stress causes you to hate yourself.

Cecil: It does. I can use myself as an example. I am originally from Barbados. When I was much younger, my mom told me not to go outside and play. I decided to play in the house.

We were playing in the house and I was holding on to the rafters in the house. I fell and hit my lip on the bottom of the bed and it split my lip. I had to go to the hospital five days that week and they looked after me.

I had this whole myth that my lips were large. I had these big lips. My lips weren’t large. I just had this whole concept because of the experience I had. I went through life with this concept that my lips were large.

I was in sales and I was in the public. I was doing all these things and I had this idea in the back of my head that my lips were large. I didn’t hate myself, I hated my lips, but I blamed myself.

That created havoc in my life.

What’s fascinating is if you think about it, there is a whole industry that does facials. They do all kinds of body enhancements.

Let me go back to the situation with my lips. Where I solved mine was, at some point in time, I had a girlfriend who kissed my lips.

When she kissed my lips, I realized that my lips were beautiful. That’s how I learned my lesson. That was important for me.

Simply follow the story above to determine how you can feel like yourself without hating yourself. Now here’s my challenge to you: Think of three ways in which you can feel like yourself naturally?

Cecil McIntosh, guides solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs worldwide to learn to relax, stress less and overcome chronic symptoms so that you can quickly experience profound peace, power and work life balance. You can get the other 20 Tips of 21 no-brainer shortcuts to achieving health and happiness at http://eycfreebook.com You can reach Cecil at http://www.cecilhelpdesk.com

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Wayne: Your partner and money stress you out.

Unfortunately, there is very little communication about who is supposed to do what and what date it’s supposed be done. No one says, “Hon, we’re supposed do this,” or “Were these things done?”

Nobody checks on the other person to make sure that they’re done. What happens when a problem comes up is you assume it was paid. You get a phone call about it. You say, “My wife paid it.” No.

The issue is a lack of communication. We’re not talking, especially about money.

Sometimes one party is making more money than the other. I’ve been told that making more money makes the other person feel smaller.

In a relationship, you need to be able to discuss it. “These are the facts. This needs to be done. That needs to be done.”

Today, one party may make more money than the other. Tomorrow, your partner might be laid off or you might be laid off.

It goes both ways. In relationships, things fluctuate.

Wayne: Why does that even matter?

Cecil: It matters because there is a lack of communication. That is what the whole issue is.

I had somebody phone me. She said, “Cecil, I’m dating this person and he wants to get married.”

I said, “What’s the problem?”

She said, “I haven’t finished my university and this person has finished.

This person says its okay.”

I said, “What the problem?”

She said, “I want to finish.”

I said, “You will get married.

If the person can say that to you right now, then that person understands. He might be making money today. You will go to university. Someday, you’ll make money and maybe he won’t. It doesn’t matter.”

No matter how long you have been in a relationship, chances are you are missing this key step to stress and money. The good news: So start to have better communication as I outlined above to solve your problem and insure your healthy and happy life style.

Cecil McIntosh guides solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs worldwide to learn to relax, stress less and overcome chronic symptoms so that you can quickly experience profound peace, power and work life balance. You can get the other 20 Tips of 21 no-brainer shortcuts to achieving health and happiness at http://eycfreebook.com You can reach Cecil at http://www.cecilhelpdesk.com

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Television has been telling us how we need to look in order to be successful. And you may think your life can change overnight when you make these cosmetic changes. Unfortunately, this is struggle to achieve this dream is a waste of time and money.

The lady on my left, the shorter lady, had large breasts and she was saying, “Boy, these large breasts are so uncomfortable in the summer when it gets hot. I wish they weren’t so large.”

On the other side, the lady was saying, “My breasts are so small. Boy, I would like larger breasts.” I couldn’t believe it. I was in the middle of this thing, left ear and right ear. It was like a song.

I have other clients who have marks on their faces. Our society says, “You can fix anything. You can enlarge it or you can make it smaller.”

We seem to get caught up in this whole idea that we have to look the way somebody decides we’re supposed to look. Whether it’s TV or the media, I don’t know who it is, but somebody made this decision.

Whoever made this decision is very powerful because it’s a big industry out there.

Wayne: How do we change that? How do we change our thoughts about ourselves?

Cecil: You first have to accept that whatever you have is given to you for a reason. If you can accept that, then you don’t have a problem.

I’m also bowlegged.

I was in Barbados at some point in time. I had just gotten off the plane and it was dark. I was standing in the middle of the street. A friend of mine called and said, “Macky, what are you doing in Barbados?” They call me Macky in Barbados.

I said, “How do you know that I’m in Barbados? I just got off the plane.” He said, “You have bowlegs. I know your bowlegs.” You see, I used to be a runner in Barbados and I was pretty successful at it, so they knew my legs.

A lot of times the things that we think are negative, people use to remember us or mark us. They’re beautiful.

I have been teaching my students that whatever you have is fine. I have two ladies now who have marks on their face and they want to do something about it. I had two ladies who came to me and they had breast enhancements.

After working with me for a year, they had to ask themselves, “Why did we waste our money?” I said, “Don’t look at me. I’m here to teach you.” They said, “We wasted our money to get this done.” I said, “Yes, but you weren’t working with me at the time, so forget about it. It’s a lesson learned.”

It hurts my heart to see good intention entrepreneurs disappointed with acceptance of self. So i hope you will take the priceless short cuts you discovered in the last few minutes to avoid this trap. And to realize the acceptance of self is what makes you and your service unique. It is possible and only a few short steps away.

Cecil McIntosh, guides solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs worldwide to learn to relax, stress less and  overcome chronic symptoms so that you can quickly experience profound peace, power and work life balance. You can get the other 20 Tips of 21 no-brainer shortcuts to achieving health and happiness at http://eycfreebook.com You can reach Cecil at http://www.cecilhelpdesk.com

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You keep on putting things off, saying, “It’s going to be stressful. I don’t want to deal with it.”

I teach relaxation in the hospital by their bedside. When I talk to them, they say, “Man, I never thought I would be in here. I never thought to slow down.”

The myth is if you keep on going, going, going all the time, you will avoid everything bad and you will get what you want. The myth is that’s not going to happen.

You could end up with a heart attack, stroke or all kinds of health issues because the body can only take so much.

As soon as the body has had enough and you feel tension, you start to see manifestations in the body.

Wayne: Is it hard for a lot of people to realize this until they’re actually lying in a hospital bed?

Cecil: Yes. I know this from my experience. I’m also a product of it because when I came to Canada, I got my degree from a university. I actually had forsaken everything my grandmother and the people in Barbados taught me for the almighty dollar.

Wayne: What was the difference between your teachings in Barbados and in Canada?

Cecil: Here in Canada, after I went to the university, I became consumed with the idea that you have to go after the almighty dollar. You have to make the big bucks. For me, it was work and money. Nothing else really mattered. That’s not what I was taught in Barbados.

Wayne: What were you taught there?

Cecil: I was taught that you need to live a balanced life. Money was not the be all and end all. Work was not the be all and end all. You need to have a balanced situation.

I went to two extremes. One was work and the other one was seeking the money. I did make the money. I got everything I wanted. Then I went bankrupt and I got divorced. That’s when I spun around and reverted to what my grandmother taught me.

I’m actually a product of the process. This is what I’ve experienced personally.

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In my many years of working with entrepreneurs and solopreneurs most of them are busy trying to make money so that they can become independently wealthy.

Interestingly enough, there are all kinds of signs screaming (S.O.S) at you to stop and pay attention.

Here’s the good news: There are several indicators that will not only solve most of your health problems but make you wealthy and healthy in the process. And I am about to reveal 16 of the best ones.

1. Fatigue and insomnia – a dangerous mixture that will ultimately affect your physical health.

2. Discomfort, aches and pains with no known cause, therefore no known cure. What can you do to feel better – everyday?

3. Chronic, unexplained depression or anxiety – a major contributor to heart disease and high blood pressure and kidney disease.

4. A sore jaw (from clenching teeth) – especially in the middle of the night!

5. Recurring headaches, dizziness and/or a feeling of being disconnected that doesn’t go away with O-T-C remedies – no matter how many you try!

6. Sexual problems including erectile dysfunction (ED) and loss of libido that can add even more stress to a stressful, important relationship.

7. Sudden weight gain or loss – even when you’re not counting calories. Sound familiar?

8. Indigestion, constipation and other problems within the gastro-intestinal tract despite numerous changes in diet and eating habits. These stress-induced physical problems will have an effect on your long-term physical health. Eliminate the stress, eliminate the physical symptoms altogether.

9. Anorexia, bulimia, binge eating and other eating disorders are common indicators of stress and, because these disorders can be life threatening, professional intervention may be required. Some anorexics require in-patient treatment!

10. Cold, sweaty palms and uncontrollable trembling even when there’s no perceived danger. Your stress triggers may be all around you – even in once-comfortable surroundings like your home or workplace.

11. Agoraphobia (fear of leaving the safety of your home) often leaves sufferers housebound. They are afraid to even go to the mailbox. It’s a very constricting life, one that is rarely filled with happiness.

12. Rapid loss of hair is another common stress symptom. It can affect men or women and is often confused with normal hair loss caused by the aging process. Sometimes, it’s not.

13. Inability to maintain focus on the task at hand makes everything difficult at home and on the job. Another danger? Driving while distracted. And if the kids are in the car…

14. Increased social isolation and the decline of once-solid personal relationships that are critical to good emotional health. We all need a support network. Stress and depression can undo that support network in short order.

15. Poor work performance that may lead to job loss – another stressor to add to the pile.

16. Increased alcohol consumption or use of contraband drugs to dull the senses and relieve the anxiety. These may be temporary “cures” but the underlying problems remain when the “buzz” wears off – and the cycle repeats itself each day

No matter how long you have been in business, chances are you are ignoring one or more of these 16 symptoms of stress. The good news: So pick the symptom or symptoms you need to pay attention to, from the ones I outlined above to solve your problem and guarantee your healthy, wealthy and happy life style.

Cecil McIntosh guides solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs worldwide to learn to relax, stress less and go with the flow so that you can quickly experience profound peace, power and work life balance. You can get the other 20 Tips of 21 no-brainer shortcuts to achieving health and happiness at http://eycfreebook.com  You can reach Cecil at http://www.cecilhelpdesk.com

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In all my years of working with entrepreneurs and solopreneurs I am amazed at the challenge they have being heard in their personal relationship.

Well there are simple strategies that will not only relieve stress and anxiety, but will give you the ability to communicate so much easier. The good news is I am about to reveal three best strategies to you.

Make a list of what you want done:

If you have been asking your partner to close the lid on the toilet seat after use but they never get it.

Here’s what to do:

Step #1:

Instead of repeating yourself by saying the same thing over and over again, write out what you would like your partner to do. You can put it in an envelope or just write it on a piece of paper.

An even more interesting thing to do would be to draw a picture of what you have written. In other words make a visual representation of what you want to say instead of writing.

You see some people are visual and respond better to images and colour.

Step #2:

The response:

Your partner might laugh at your drawings or be surprised at your letter. At least now you have their attention. You may ask them what they think about your note. They may even get offended.

Just remember your outcome is to have a resolution to your problem. So you need to keep calm about their response. This is critical. They are entitled to their opinion and we are not using abusive language or forcing communication.

Step #3:

The solution:

If the response is positive and you get their agreement – congratulations! You’re done.

If, on the other hand, they have an objection then you acknowledge their concern (you need to be relaxed and quiet).

Next you ask what they would suggest to solve the problem (closing the lid of the seat cover after use). This is very important because now they are actually providing a solution to your problem.

Simply follow the steps above and you will get to relieved stress and anxiety in your relationship. Now, I challenge you to do something about your problem by finding a piece of paper and follow the strategy I outlined above.

We eagerly look forward to hearing your stories of success and even enjoying life’s challenges by means of these new approaches. Peace.

Cecil McIntosh, guides solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs worldwide to learn to relax, stress less and go with the flow so that you can quickly experience profound peace, power and work life balance. Get a jump start on your own FREE relax and stress less system with 21 no-brainer shortcut to achieving health and happiness at http://eycfreebook.com You can reach Cecil at http://www.cecilhelpdesk.com

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In my over 14 years of working with stressed out entrepreneurs, I am astonished at just how many of them believe that it is OK to be successful and acquire material assets but yet, be unhappy because they are not satisfied doing what they do.

Well, let me tell you: there is nothing that can be farther from the truth.

It tears my heart apart, but most people are unfortunately headed for disaster. And what’s worse, it doesn’t really have to happen.

If you would like to change this misfortune in your thinking (and I realize you do!) here are the 4 most catastrophic mistakes about being unhappy with yourself and how you can avoid them.

Mistake #1: Focus

In life you need to have a focus. Sometimes your focus is determined for you by your parents and loved ones. Whether you’re successful or not is not the point of discussion. The point is, are you happy?
Generally the answer is no, because we have been taught that we have to please others first.
In order to focus, you need to relax. As you start practicing relaxation on a regular basis, you will get more clarity.

Mistake #2: Clarity

So what is clarity?

Let’s say you have all these roads in life and you come to a fork in the road where you have to decide which way to go.
What do you do?

Please remember this: You have no one to give you advice because you are all on your own. This is where your daily relaxation practice comes in handy. You can go inside yourself and find the answer to make your decision.

Now that you understand what clarity is all about, what is the next mistake?

Mistake #3: Purpose

So what is your purpose?

Let’s take a simple example: When you go shopping for groceries, do you take a list and a pen or pencil?

Three possibilities:

1. If you don’t make a list of groceries, you are going to buy items you don’t need and you will probably forget other items that are necessary.
2. If you take a list and no pencil to mark off what you purchased, you may still forget some items although they are on the list.
3. You make your list and you mark off your purchases. You check out and you go home

Now that is focus and a lot less stress

Mistake #4: Listening

What is listening?

A good example is, when you and your partner are like two tape recorders and both of you are speaking at the same time and therefore, nobody is listening.

The challenge is that most people have a “full cup” and they want to empty that cup. It is like wanting to go to the wash room when you can’t hold it any longer.

In order to listen, you need to quite the mind and shut out the inner chatter and outer noises and focus on what you hear so you can understand and appreciate them.

What so important about this information is that it can get you going on your way to success or resurrect an old idea you might have abandoned and inject it with desire and hope.

Cecil McIntosh guides solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs worldwide to manage feeling overwhelmed and to feel happy about yourself again. Get a jump start on your own relax and stress less system with 21 no-brainer shortcut to achieving health and happiness at http://eycfreebook.com You can reach Cecil at http://www.cecilhelpdesk.com

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One of the most popular ways to relax and stress less in your relationship is to pretend that everything is OK.

The three techniques are active listening skills, being in the moment and accepting your partner unconditionally.

1. Active Listening skills

The stress from lack of communication can cause your stress and anxiety to spike daily. Consequently you may drink or smoke or have an affair hoping to get caught, as a way of getting attention.

You also may not have the tools to deal with the emotional sting in your relationship which can lead to life style change and better health.

In order to be able to listen to your partner, you must be able to hear when they speak to you. In order to hear you need to clear your mind.

This can be achieved by learning how to relax. Everybody has his way of relaxing but how come there is still so much stress?

Your relaxation method has to be practical for it to be effective. Let’s say you relax by flying a plane. When you start to talk to your partner, how can you get the feeling of the plane into the conversation?

You get my point.

2. Being in the moment

You may wonder if it is possible to relax and be in the moment with all the noises that you are experiencing all day long. First you need to have a goal to have more clarity of purpose.

Your mind is much more powerful than you think. For example, where you are right now is the sum total of your thoughts.

So focus on what you want instead of what you do not want. Initially, it is difficult because you will notice a lot of your negative thoughts. But as you continue you will get better at being aware of your negative thinking.

3. Accepting your partner unconditionally

This may sound like a big task but is very simple. When you met someone, there was an attraction that created the connection.

So you focused on that one piece that ignited the relationship. But what do you, do with all the other pieces.

Do you throw them away?

Oh no!

The challenge is to decide which four elements are those that your partner must have, in order for you to even consider a relationship.

Relationships require more thoughts before you become committed. Now when you have the four elements, they become your foundation for a relationship.

Now that you have that foundation in your relationship, you can consider accepting your partner unconditionally because you are getting something in return.

What is so exciting about these new perspectives, is that they can jump start you to the road of relationship success, or revive a flagging effort you may have abandoned, and inject you with new hope and energy.

Cecil McIntosh guides solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs worldwide to manage feeling overwhelmed and enjoy better relationships. Get a jump start on your own relax and stress less system with 21 no-brainer shortcut to achieving your dream of health and happiness at http://eycfreebook.com You can reach Cecil at http://www.cecilhelpdesk.com

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What else can we do to relieve stress and anxiety? Get the proper amount of rest. While you are sleeping your body is making repairs and balancing all parts of your body.

Your brain and heart is resting and preparing for the next day. Your brain is the part of the body that is the most closely related to stress. Without the proper amount of rest, it does not handle stress and anxiety the way it was designed to.

OK, how much rest do we really need for stress relief?

What is the proper amount of rest? Each of us has an internal clock that lets us know when we are getting the right amount of rest. Some may be comfortable getting five or six hours of rest each night, others may not feel up to par if they don’t get eight to ten hours.

Your body knows how much rest it needs, listen to your internal clock. This leads to the question of exercise.

Is exercise good for stress and anxiety?

Many of us do not like to hear about this stress reliever. It is exercise. Yes, physical activity will help relieve feelings of stress and anxiety!

What if you don’t like to exercise?

There are many ways of getting the physical activity that your body needs. Pick an activity that you enjoy and take part in that activity five days a week.

Dancing is enjoyable to many people, and it is great exercise. Take your pet for a walk, enjoy the nature in your local park, or get on that bike that has been stored in your garage!

Do I need to check with my doctor to see if I am physically fit?

If you are starting an exercise program for the first time, check with your doctor to be sure you can physically take part in your choice of exercise. Remember, even a small amount of physical activity is better than none at all. Start slow and add speed and more activities are you are comfortable with them.

So, here’s the secret:

Cecil McIntosh, The EYC™ Stress Relaxation Expert with 14 years of experience helping  Entrepreneurs like you, transform stress into success. He is the creator of the Empty Your Cup Process™. An exclusive stress management  system for managing fear, anger and the uncertainty that results from constant change. Cecil  is also a Healer, Teacher,Therapist, NLP Trainer and life Coach. You can reach Cecil at cecil.mcintosh@gmail.com  

 

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